Talked Out of Leaving

Posted on Thu Aug 7th, 2025 @ 6:51pm by Captain Calypso Skyie & Captain Natalya Markova

Mission: Lower Decks

ON

The hour was late. She hoped not too late. Nat was dressed casually. Black pants, a black t-shirt, and sneakers. Her hair was loose, and fell around her face. It helped her feel more hidden. Less seen.

She couldn't talk to any of her Marines - she was their CO. She couldn't talk to Faith ,- you had to be crazy to see a shrink. She couldn't talk to Alex - just... all the no. That really just left one person she could talk to.

The door to the Captain’s cabin was just like any other door on the ship. Yet it wasn't. Nat took a breath, raised a hand. Her fingers trembling, she forced herself to press the chime.

Cally’s eyes flew open at the chime and her head raised off of the not-too soft sofa pillow as she looked up from the floor. The bed was just too damned soft right now and she’d been unable to sleep there. The floor felt more at home when she was tightly strung and gave her more of a rapid alert as if she were in the field again. Not seeing danger, she sat up and yawned deeply, finally realizing that it was the door chime and reached over for her tank top that she’d tossed on the sofa as her final deed before conking out, “Come in?” She semi-asked as she slid the olive drab shirt over her head and reached for the sweatpants also haphazardly on the sofa.

Nat was three paces through the door, the soft hiss of it closing behind her, before she pulled her eyes from the floor in front of her. Cally was finishing shimmying into a pair of sweats.

Nat’s expression went from a blank haunted look, to confused, and settled on an uncomfortable embarrassment. “Oh...” Her stride froze midstep. “I woke you. Sorry, I’ll... I’ll just... I’ll come back.” The faltering sentence was definitely not like her.

Her voice was flat, devoid of its usual energy. The time since the pirates had eaten away at her, and she almost looked and sounded like a hollow shell.

“I’ll come back.” She said again. The heel turn was far below parade standard. Nat begin for the door.

“I’m already awake, it’s not..” Calypso trailed off as those words had no effect on Nat’a steps. Something was wrong and she changed her tone of voice to something she hated using, “Stand fast, Marine.” She put her own years of command experience into it, along with the tone she remembered to this day from those twenty years before when she herself was just another troop.

Whatever Nat might have been going througfh, however much she was not in uniform, as the old saying went. Once a Marine, always a Marine. Her stride stopped shy of the door openning. Nat turned and regarded the woman. It was a worn down expression.

Now that she had Natalya stopped, she scrambled to her feet and her voice softened, “At ease. I was having a hard time sleeping in any case, kept waking up here and there to random noises, so come in, sit down, I’ll gin us up some coffee. Need anything to snack on? You look like crap!”

The decline of the offer was already half-formed. The mention of coffee snapped through like a bolt of lightning. "Coffee would be great." She said finally, not quite managing to smile.

She moved to the couch, and sat. The impulse to pull her knees up to her chest in a reflexive protective posture was strong. Yet, she refrained. Can't put the shoes on someone else's couch. Instead, Nat folded her arms around herself, still feeling a little exposed.

"I'm not really feeling anything in particular for a snack, but if you wanna pick something..." She shrugged.

While she didn’t like coffee for generalities sake, Cally stilll dutifully replicated one for Nat from her known preferences and one heavily laced with flavor additives for herself, both in large spill-proof cups, then considered for a heartbeat and brought with her a plate with bite-sized pastry puffs and a few donuts. Sugar helped, a LOT. As she juggled the cups and plate in her only two hands, she managed to pass Nat’a off to her and then sat down on the couch next to her, tucking her own feet up on it, “Get comfortable, and tell me what brings you here this early in the morning?”

Nat kicked her sneakers off, and pulled her knees up to her chest. Her arms rested atop them, holding the mug. Coffee. It was better than anything she knew at boosting her mood. Hell, it was better than sex.

The tray of pastries smelled good. Nat's stomach gave an unpleasantly loud noise of protest at her lack of eating lately. She took one, and settled herself into the corner of the couch. "You're the only one I felt like I could come to." She said after a long moment.

"You ever... you ever feel like you did something so 'fucking' stupid, the only reason no one died is because the universe has a morbid curiousity?" Nat was talking now. She wasn't looking at Cally, just a spot on the coffee table.

“Only just about every day.” Cally answered her Marine CO, remembering Trarim and a few times when her stupidity HAD cost the lives of those under her command, then her brain started on before she assumed command of Chimera, a twinge of guilt hitting her in the gut, which she tried to hide by starting on a donut.

"I keep going back. I keep going over it. In the moment. It felt like every choice was... fuck, I don't know. It felt like there were a lot of shitty options. Each step was the best in a list of bad ideas." Nat shook her head, and sighed. "Yet, when it all gets strung together... I lead my team in a freaking zero-atmo space jump with no suits."

Nat tried to look at Cally. Really, she tried. The best she could do was stare at the woman's shoulder. "You didn't even read me the riot act." It was half accusation, half question. "All I got from Alex-" she tried to correct "-Commander..." She just shook her head in anger at 'that' mental crash-site. "All I got was a slap on the wrist."

The tears were just beneath the surface. The smallest scratch would unleash a flood. "The crew keeps giving me side-eye looks. They think I should be punished for it." Nat gave a snort of derision. "Fuck, 'I' feel I should be punished for it."

Calypso had just let Natalya talk, because she recognized the just sheer NEED for the other woman to get it out into the open, but this looked like a good spot to butt in and she leaned forward and placed a hand on Nat’s knee very gently, after divesting it of her cup of course, “Fuck that shit.” She stated very, very clearly.

Nat did look at Cally then. Really looked. Thwir eyes held each other. Nat looked, and could almost see the black beneath the ice blue contacts. It gave the blue a true depth. A depth she could slide into.

Nat pulled herself out of that depth, and focused on Cally’s words.

“If you can give me a valid reason you should be punished for NOT getting any of your people killed, then sure, I’ll take a square meter out of your hide.” Cally put a cheerful tone into that bit and couldn’t help but stifle a laugh, which would have been truly inappropriate. “But I swear to the Four that if anyone on board thinks badly of you, they must think I’m Satan incarnate. While you were out there pulling daredevil feats that may just slightly have been on the border of reckless, I was playing by the book and actually getting people killed.” She held up her hand in a STOP gesture as she saw Nat getting ready to argue, “No, shut up, I’m not done.”

Nat’s mouth closed at the hand. She had been fully prepared to offer said reason, but held her tongue.

The Captain took a deep breath, “Look, Nat, command is a stone cold bitch. In the what? Eight months we’ve been out here, I have had one operation where I haven’t had to write any letters to family telling them their son or daughter, mother or father, or sibling that they aren’t coming home, and that one time was a close call. Because I give you your head when it comes to handling the deployment of your troops, I’m giving you that burden as well.” She finally snagged her coffee and leaned back again with a sip, “The curse of it is that the decisions are on OUR shoulders, in the matter of moments, with the lives of our people in the balance. The bitch of it is that we have to live with the results.”

A gesture with her coffee indicated one side of it, “Did we need that third ship dealt with? After the fact, no, we could have handled it easily, but we didn’t know just how badly outmatched they were by our technology, but you didn’t know that. In my after-action report, I’ll have you know that I fully endorsed your actions of ramming the warship with the freighter and then boarding it, with the recommendation for a Silver Star for that. You showed the initiative I could only ask from my senior officers, which is rare enough anywhere.” She watched Nat carefully for any hint of a response this time, ready to cut off any self-denigration.

The words shattered through her mind like a quantum torpedo. A Silver Star. There was no way the review board would go for it. Not a chance. She had to be realistic. But the fact that Cally had done it in the first place. That meant a lot.

“I, um... I assume you wouldn't accept my request to transfer ground side, then?” The smile didn't come close to reaching her eyes, but it was something.

"If you're trying to run away from this ship just to get away from what you THINK everyone is thinking? You're right, you're not escaping this ship that way!" Cally managed a warm smile, "But if you're looking for a transfer to a ground unit because you've decided you don't want a shipboard slot for any reasonable um... Reason, then we can discuss it. Hell, I've been putting together a proposal for a consulate on Trarim which would require a Marine guard, which would also serve as a nexus for potentially arranging with the Dashians for possible Fleet unit basing permissions, each which would require a garrison response, based on that Trarim station. But that would require a Major, at least, to command, possibly a light Colonel." She shrugged, "Would be good to be on the ground floor of THAT operation for the right person."

"Of course, that's just a proposal I've been putting together on the side for Starfleet Command, bare bones as of yet. I just don't have the time I really need to get all of the details in place." She trailed off the subject with a heavy sigh, trying to make it sound like it was JUST a pipe-dream of an idea to put together before some diplomatic puke went and suggested it, "But no, unless you actively desire a ground unit for a good reason, I don't plan on approving any transfer of yours, nor a resignation."

Nat let out a small breath. That was almost what she had needed to hear. Maybe. She still wasn't sure what she needed. A kick in the ass, which was what she got. It helped settle her professional woes. Cally still having faith in her combat decision-making, that meant a lot. She just needed to try and figure out what the fuck was up with everything else.

"Thanks." She meant it, and she meant more than that single word could cover. "I guess I've just been running from one stress to another, and not had a chance to... do something without the stress."

The night she had spent with Alex had made a simple bit of fun into a soup of frustration that was gnawing at her. She did feel she was running on empty.

"Of course, it also sounds like you need some actual R&R, not just 'barracks rest', so without making it into an order: Get some. In fact, while I'm perfectly fine to talk to, if you want to avoid the counselor, check out Michelle in the Hydra, book an appointment with her! You can get a sympathetic ear who won't even tell ME what gets talked about, plus as an added bonus you could get your rocks off if you and she come to an agreement!" She was so jubilant about it that she hesitated a moment, "Not that I ever have, I mean, she's my NIECE after all, and even me being who I am, no regrets, thaaaat's a line I wouldn't cross."

Actual R&R. Away from the ship. That sounded simply divine. Nat wondered if they could find something like a Risa while out on the fringes of Federation space. A nice beach paradise, where she could get a drink with a little umbrella, and lay back. Maybe find someone to have some non-committal fun.

That thought process led her onto the woman's last comment.

Nat had been way too wound up in her own mind, her own worries. She had twisted herself into a knot. Nat looked at the other woman, set the coffee mug aside and leaned forward on the couch. "Speaking of lines." Her intense gaze held Cally's eyes. "Sleep with me?"

Calypso returned the look with compassion in her eyes, but there was something else there and even she didn't know why she was feeling it, "In the same bed, snuggling if need be? Sure." She considered the other meaning, "But, and I can't believe I'm saying this, me the person whose tried to sleep with almost everyone on board my own ship," She made the statement matter-of-factly for the first time, "If you want sex, I can't promise that. Normally, I'd take that invitation any time, but it's not what you need right now, and I don't want to regret anything. Been there, done that, have the t-shirt and I don't want to give it to anyone that doesn't deserve the regrets later."

"I need someone safe." Nat's lean forwarded extended, drawing closer. "I just want to get laid. Marine to Marine. Charlie Foxtrot of a mission. I have been on edge since. You are safe, Cally." She didn't want to elaborate on exactly what 'safe' meant at the moment.

“First time anyone’s said I was ‘safe’.” One more joke, it had to be said, otherwise no one would believe it was actually her. Cally unlocked her empathic sense very carefully and to the minimum extent possible, only enough to get a momentary brush across Nat’s emotions before slamming the door shut once more. She knew that was why Betazoids almost invariably used it unconsciously, but that was her secret to remaining sane: not using it. But the brief glimpse told her what she needed to know about Nat’s needs and desires at this time. It wasn’t a personal passion, just a deep, glaring need with something else that she didn’t pinpoint and didn’t WANT to know, didn’t need to know. That would have been something Michelle would have probed about, but she wasn’t her niece.

“But I think I can be what you need in the here and now,” Calypso reached up with one hand to cup Nat’s cheek in it, “I really do understand.”

Nat put her hand on top of Cally's. She was grateful. The kiss was needy, and full of desire for what was to come.

End