Think Higher, Feel Deeper

Posted on Wed Jun 8th, 2022 @ 8:14pm by Lieutenant JG Faith Vianelli & Lieutenant Commander Alexander Espersen

Mission: Pirates! (Or Yo Ho Ho And A Bottle Of Yum)
Location: Counselor's Office

The week’s lessons had been hell.

Commander — Captain now — Skyie had thrown everything at Alexander, from that first deceptive test through to literal stacks of paperwork (seriously, you can put more than one document on a PADD, people!) and test after test after test. The lessons were well earned and wouldn’t be forgotten, but he was growing tired.

Launch was tomorrow. On paper he would be in command of their little resupply ship, even though the Captain was around and had tactical command, so things would get harder before they got easier, He needed a moment of mental respite.

One person he had not had a chance to speak with was the Counselor. Seeing she was scheduled to be in her office and had no clients (given it was the hour normal people had lunch), he found himself chiming her door.

"Enter!" Faith called. While lunch was on she had accessed the internal ships systems to watch Briella playing in the school rooms. As the doors opened, the counsellor looked up, recognising the face of the new First Officer, she smiled and closed the channel, turning her attention to her visitor. "Commander Espersen," she said warmly, standing up behind her desk. "I wasn't expecting you..." she paused for a moment, a look of concern crossing her face. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine," he replied, "but you and I hadn't had a chance to talk since I came aboard. We'll be working together on crew matters, so I thought we should talk. Plus, I needed to get away from my lessons for a few minutes," he added with a sigh.

Faith smiled. "Can I get you a drink or something?" she asked, motioning for him to take a seat on the more comfortable couches in the room while she moved to the replicator.

“I’d take a coffee, thank you,” he said as he sat. “Black.”

Taking the order from the replicator and placing it on the table, She picked up her own cup and inhaled the scent of the hot chocolate deeply, taking a sip before adjusting the sling on her arm she was still being forced to wear by the doctor. The downside of being considered part of the overall medical department, it was basically impossible to escape a CMO as imposing as F'Arra. "So how are you settling in?" she asked, her voice filled with genuine curiosity. "New assignment and new position all at once, it must be challenging."

“It hasn’t been the easiest,” Alexander admitted. “The Academy shuffled me off rather unceremoniously after one too many student complaints. I came here thinking I’d be the chief engineer, and now I’m waist deep in First Officer paperwork. But it’s been rewarding too. The Captain’s been supportive, save for one incident that had me almost ready to walk, but I got over it.”

Faith laughed softly. "You were strict, but not entirely unreasonable," she replied politely. "Though, I will admit, you were a little scary when you got cross. You yelled at me once for confusing an isolinear chip and an isolinear rod. I admit, it wasn't my finest moment," she grinned at him. "I guess it's a good thing I never intended to go into engineering. I'm a much better counselor, at least, I hope I am." She paused for a moment. "This is a good ship, the Captain means well, she has a very unique handle on command. So, this incident? Do you want to talk about it?"

Alexander hung his head when she told him of her own experience in his class. "Christ, is there anyone on this ship I haven't yelled at?" he wondered. "Fair warning that you might get some visitors with stories similar to yours."

He took a deep breath. "I suppose it will help, telling you of the incident. Captain Skyie is giving me a lot of training in command, since my last bit of command training being over a decade ago and is basically forgotten. The first test, however, was deceptive. I was beamed into a holodeck. I thought a lot of people had been killed, including the Captain. I...I went off on her about it. I was so angry."

Faith's eyes widened slightly as Alexander explained. "I can understand why you would be angry with a simulation like that, especially so soon in your Command experience," she offered reassuringly. "It would have been an incredibly confronting scene for you to deal with, and, in all honesty, many of the crew in that position would likely find it hitting a little too close to home."

He nodded, keeping his eyes on the floor. “Far too close to home.” He wasn’t sure if the Counselor had seen his file, known the sort of loss he’d experienced. Not that he was going to volunteer it today.

"Confronting death is an important part of command training, it is definitely not something that is for the faint of heart," Faith said softly. "But, at the same time, there is a time and a place for death, and being thrown in the deep end is not necessarily conducive for a good training environment, or for good relations moving forward. Do you think you would have handled the situation if you'd done more command training before being put in that situation? Or if you'd been involved in the lead up to that situation?"

“Good questions,” he said. “I definitely think I’d have done better with more training first, but I expect that was part of it. She needed to judge my current skills to know what I need to learn. So I’m not ignorant to the value of the exercise. But I do think I’d have handled it better if I had been a bit more aware of what I was doing.”

"Commander, do you feel that you have what it takes to be in a command position?" she asked softly.

"You don't pull your punches, do you Counselor?" Alexander replied. He let out a sigh. "I don't know. My superiors thought so, once upon a time. Whether they'd look at me now and think the same thing, I couldn't tell you."

"You seem to focus a lot on what you perceive to be your short comings, your failures, all the things you feel that you've done wrong in your career, and that carries over and fuels your uncertainties and your doubts. Why don't you tell me some of your strengths?" Faith suggested gently. "What do you think made you a good Academy instructor?"

"Your peers would tell you I wasn't," Alexander joked. "But I was. I'm good with my hands, I'm good at figuring out how things work, and at explaining it. I encouraged thinking outside the box to solve problems, because that's where the best solutions usually come from." He smiled. "Have you met Ensign Jade?"

Faith shook her head slightly. "No, I haven't yet, though I'm sure I will eventually."

"She's a recent graduate, and took my power systems class. I remembered her; I had to chew her out at least once but she knew what she was doing. It was an odd feeling seeing her here, hearing that she'd pulled off some minor engineering miracles. A weird kind of pride."

"Like I said before, you yelled at me once when I was doing my basic engineering course. I never forgot, but it taught me a valuable lesson. The answer was right in front of me, I just didn't take the moment to consider my options and think about my solutions. I made a dumb mistake that could have easily been avoided. It seems to me that you wanted your students to succeed, to be the best that they could be, and you encouraged that. Some may say aggressively, some may say passionately, but I am quite sure that the majority of your students will say that you helped shape some aspect of their career, you made them stop and think." Faith paused, giving him a moment to process what she had said so far.

"I've noticed that the Chimera isn't like any other ship," she continued. "I haven't had personal experience to compare it to, but from what I've heard from others, and from what Captain Skyie herself has said, this ship is kind of like a last chance club. Perhaps, just perhaps, there's a reason that you've ended up here that has less to do with your history and more to do with your future. People on last chances need someone strong enough to believe in them."

Alexander nodded. "I took it as being a place where they sent those of us who could still be useful but wouldn't go anywhere. But I like your interpretation better. A last chance club, for those who can succeed if we believe in them." It seemed a bit saccharin, but maybe that's what was needed. Because thinking that someone sent him here knowing he might succeed, rather than the opposite, made him feel a bit better. "You're good at this, Counselor."

"It's easy to do a jigsaw puzzle when you have the bigger picture sitting in front of you Commander," Faith replied with a smile. "Can I show you something?"

"Please," he said, shifting forward on the couch and sipping his coffee.

Rising gracefully from the armchair, Faith moved to her desk, picking up a picture frame, her lips curling in a soft smile as she returned, turning the picture toward him. The frame itself was rather simple, a black frame with the words "Think Higher, Feel Deeper" etched across the top of the frame. The most unusual aspect of the frame was the stand it was on. A single isolinear rod attached the back of the frame to a black base, an isolinear chip attached to the rod. It made the design unique, like something someone would pick up in a kitschy type market, or a tech chic type art display. To Faith it was something much simpler. "That's the exact isolinear rod and chip you yelled at me over. They sit on my desk now every day as a reminder."

Alexander sat there, dumbfounded. His eyes were locked on the rod and chip. Years earlier he'd yelled at this girl for confusing the two, a silly error on her part that, had it happened in the field probably wouldn't have had much of an impact, but it had taught her something. And now, years later, she kept the rod and the chip, reminders of that very lesson.

He cleared his throat and had to blink back some feelings he preferred to keep to himself, before looking Faith in the eye. "Thank you for showing me that."

Faith set the picture frame on the small coffee table between them and resumed her seat, picking up her drink. She offered him another smile. "For what it's worth, I'm glad to see you here," she offered. "It's always nice knowing there's a friendly face."

"And I'm glad to be working with you, Counselor," he replied, his voice steadier than it had been moments earlier. "I want to familiarize myself with the crew roster, but perhaps in a few days we can go over it together. Call it, crew evaluation Number Zero. Just so I know where everyone stands right now."

"Please, call me Faith. And just let me know when and where, I'll always make time for you," she said with a smile. "Now, is there anything else you want to cover while you're here?"

"I don't think so, not right now anyway, Faith," he said, trying out the name. It was a nice name, he thought. "And you can call me Alexander. Or Alex." Only a handful of people called him Alex, but since the Captain became one of them, he found he minded it less and less. "I'll let you get on with your day. Thank you, Faith."

"Of course, Alexander," she replied warmly. "Just remember, my door is always open, any time, day or night."

“Consider the same true of mine,” he replied before standing and giving her a polite nod. “Until later then.”

With a smile, Faith gave a nod and watched until he had left her office before clearing away the mugs and returning to her desk to make some notes.